I know a lot of people on the Net. Or, rather, I know *of* a lot of people. Would I call these people friends? Not many of them; I don’t really know them at a sufficiently personal level to think of them as friends. Acquaintances, then? Some of them, certainly. Many though, are people I know of by having been led to them through some other means (search engine, posting, referral, etc.) and they in turn aren’t necessarily even aware of my existence. A ‘fan’ then, perhaps.
On the Net though, everyone is equal. When someone’s name comes up via a comment or a link or such, it’s not immediately clear just what the relationship is; there’s often no distinction between a lifelong pal, a beer buddy, an acquaintance, or plain old hangers-on. As a result, someone’s circle of friends can appear to be larger than it really is.
This can lead to some odd behaviour, at least so far as I’ve seen. If a particular topic of interest comes up, someone may be inclined to comment on it. But, given the circles of friends that are already established, that person may also be afraid of overrepresenting their relationship with this group, and feel uncomfortable posting. Why would they care what some random bozo barges in and says, after all? Who are you to just show up and start spouting off? But, on the other hand, how else do connections get established in the first place? These circles had to start somewhere and develop somehow. Plus, those circles may not actually be as strong as they might seem to an outsider, due to the effect above.
I would imagine that there’s at least some portion of the Internet population who *want* to reach out to other people, but are afraid to, but for reasons that are often illusiory, but difficult to clarify. The question is, how do you break the cycle…
I think some of depends on what people’s version of ‘friend’ is.
i’m afraid to post this comment because i remember spending time with you, but fear you don’t. i have a fond memory and impression of you as a person, but fear you don’t of me.
well, i’m not really afraid, but there has always been some level of hesitance on my part to contribute to your presence online because of a shared friend who no longer considers themselves or me to be one to the other. it just goes to enforce your point, i suppose.
to break the cycle, you just have to decide take the leap or make it as plain as possible that you’re welcoming of overtures from potential leapies. =) people often surprise you just when you’ve decided they never could.
Oh I wasn’t really referring to any specific situation, just thinking out loud after reading someone else’s entry. :-)